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She Left Me the GunBy: Emma Brockes "One of those memoirs that remind you why you liked memoirs in the first place It has the density of a very good novel As you do with the best writers, you feel lucky to be in Ms. Brockess company." Dwight Garner, The New York Times A chilling work of psychological suspense and forensic memoir, She Left Me the Gun is a tale of true transformation: the story of a young woman who reinvented herself so completely that her previous life
By: Emma Brockes"One of those memoirs that remind you why you liked memoirs in the first place... It has the density of a very good novel... As you do with the best writers, you feel lucky to be in Ms. Brockes’s company." --Dwight Garner, The New York Times
A chilling work of psychological suspense and forensic memoir, She Left Me the Gun is a tale of true transformation: the story of a young woman who reinvented herself so completely that her previous life seemed simply to vanish, and of a daughter who transcends her mother’s fears and reclaims an abandoned past.
“One day I will tell you the story of my life,” promises Emma Brockes’s mother, “and you will be amazed.” Brockes grew up hearing only pieces of her mother’s past—stories of a rustic childhood in South Africa, glimpses of a bohemian youth in London—and yet knew that crucial facts were still in the dark. A mystery to her friends and family, Paula was clearly a strong, self-invented woman; glamorous, no-nonsense, and frequently out of place in their quaint English village. In awe of Paula’s larger-than-life personality, Brockes never asked why her mother emigrated to England or why she never returned to South Africa; never questioned the source of her mother’s strange fears or tremendous strengths.
Looking to unearth the truth after Paula’s death, Brockes begins a dangerous journey into the land—and the life—her mother fled from years before. Brockes soon learns that Paula’s father was a drunk megalomaniac who terrorized Paula and her seven half-siblings for years. After finally mustering the courage to take her father to court, Paula is horrified to see the malevolent man vindicated of all charges. As Brockes discovers, this crushing defeat left Paula with a choice: take her own life, or promise herself never to be intimidated or unhappy again. Ultimately she chooses life and happiness by booking one-way passage to London—but not before shooting her father five times, and failing to kill him. Smuggling the fateful gun through English customs would be Paula’s first triumph in her new life.
She Left Me the Gun carries Brockes to South Africa to meet her seven aunts and uncles, weighing their stories against her mother’s silences. Brockes learns of the violent pathologies and racial propaganda in which her grandfather was inculcated, sees the mine shafts and train yards where he worked as an itinerant mechanic, and finds in buried government archives the court records proving his murder conviction years before he first married. Brockes also learns of the turncoat stepmother who may have perjured herself to save her husband, dooming Paula and her siblings to the machinations of their hated father.
Most of all, She Left Me the Gun reveals how Paula reinvented herself to lead a full, happy life. As she follows her mother’s footsteps back to South Africa, Brockes begins to find the wellsprings of her mother’s strength, the tremendous endurance which allowed Paula to hide secrets from even her closest friends and family. But as the search through cherished letters and buried documents deepens, Brockes realizes with horror that her mother’s great success as a parent was concealing her terrible past—and that unearthing these secrets threatens to undo her mother’s work.
A beguiling and unforgettable journey across generations and continents, She Left Me the Gun chronicles Brockes’s efforts to walk the knife-edge between understanding her mother’s unspeakable traumas and embracing the happiness she chose for her daughter.
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4.1 ★★★★★
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Product Reviews
★★★★★ 5
More than a book-the Universe is nudging you to go here!
Format: Paperback
Where do I begin, where am I now, where am I going and how do I get there. I've been a Kundilini student for years. Masuda has been my teacher, guide and friend. No matter where I find myself at any given time or place, and whether I'm looking for understanding universal truths, tools, practices, or insights, this book points me. You have to do the work, but you want to because with this book you'll understand why and know how. On any given day, you will find a roadmap visually, spiritually and practically to empower your Chakras. So what are they... why do Chakras matter..how do I understand and develop their power in me. Masuda does an extraordinary job explaining, illustrating and giving you all the practice tools in a way that works for you. Personally, I love this book because I can take it with me anywhere, can choose/find what I need from it at any given time and she explains and shows me what to do and how to get there. It's so easy to follow and the results are so meaningful.
I'm a visual person... In the most perfect ways this book leads me, and shows me physically and mentally. I can back up or move faster depending on where the universe points me and then I do the work. Bottom line, I'm a better human. Thank you Masuda for this extraordinary 'lesson planner' and helping me unlock what's already in me!!
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Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2024
★★★★★ 5
The empowerment tool we all needed!!
Format: Paperback
Wow, okay where do I start?? Before I opened the book, I had a general sense of yoga and chakras. Being a Reiki practitioner, but a fairly new one, I’ve learned how critical balancing chakras is to feeling healthy and pain-free, but I never took enough time to work on my own. This book makes it so easy to understand what can be sometimes complex ideas for people new to the space of wellness and yoga. There’s truly never a dull moment and I love the option to read page by page or flip to the section you need. It’s extremely well written and I loved the intro from Masuda. She shared her personal story which was so relatable and further inspired me to start my journey of a balanced chakra system that I know will only aid me further in my life’s purpose. It’s also pretty cool to know I’ll have a tool in the form of this book to reference anytime I might be experiencing symptoms of a chakra that needs my attention. It’s literally a life/soul manual, who doesn’t need that? So grateful Masuda chose to share her tools and practice with so many all over the world. This is the ultimate gift for anyone in your life! I can’t wait to tell more people about it.
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Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2023
★★★★★ 5
A must-have for anyone working with energy or curious about chakras!
Format: Paperback
What I especially love is how accessible and fun this book is. Masuda breaks down complex ideas in a grounded and magical way that makes the chakras feel approachable; whether you're brand new to the concept or have been working with them for years. The integration of Kundalini yoga is an added gift, providing embodied tools for activating and aligning energy that I now use regularly.
As a Reiki Master, I've spent years working with the chakra system through the lens of energy healing. Unlock the Power of Your Chakras offered me a fresh and expansive perspective that deepened both my personal practice and the way I support others in my business.
Truly a beautiful, empowering resource I’ll return to again and again.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 29, 2025
★★★★★ 5
A Perfect Guide to Chakras!!
Format: Paperback
I don't usually write reviews... but as a newbie to Chakras and yoga who was curious to learn more, I’m so thankful that this book found me. Mohamadi has created a beautifully written, well organized, and comprehensive guide to Chakras. I wholeheartedly believe that readers with any level of knowledge of the subject would find that this book has a way of expanding the mind and nourishing one’s appreciation and awareness of the power of Chakras. It is written in a format that is both easy to understand and engaging. And for all my fellow visual learners, the illustrations are not only informative and color coded for clarity, they’re also stunning to look at. Now that I have a better understanding of the way in which Chakras influence so many aspects of my well-being, I am really looking forward to incorporating the yoga poses, meditations, and mantras into my everyday life!
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Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2022
★★★★★ 5
Unlocked! 🙏🏼
Format: Paperback
I did not know what to expect with this book; though Ive spent years studying Eastern spiritual traditions and have been incorporating them into my life with more vigor and earnestness in recent times.
Masuda Mohamadi is one of those not so frequent surprises; her writing and genuine enthusiasm for the topic of chakras is of the kind that can actively, in real time, spark a new course of action in the reader.
The book is truly inspiring and also full of illustrations and pictures that are helpful in grasping concepts and poses.
Needless to say, I highly recommend!
🙏🏼
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Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2025
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